These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But thevery things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep themalone for the rest of their lives.If you want a mate who respects you, you’ve got to respect yourself. Thatmeans setting high standards for your relationships. Are you the gal guyscome to for advice about other women? Do you spend all of your time with aguy who’s not your boyfriend? Are you an open book with a man who hasn’tasked for a commitment? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, you mayneed better boundaries to protect your time and your heart. This will helpyou resist the temptation to spend your prime years and best self oncounterfeits.On the flip side, approaching the opposite sex in a principled way can onlyenhance your relationships. Develop high character: Treat men withkindness; be honest; don’t lie, gossip or manipulate; be trustworthy. Anyguy worth marrying will notice.
Retain sexual power.It’s an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: Mendon’t buy a cow when they’re getting the milk for free. If you’re havingsex outside of marriage, you’re diminishing your sexual power and yourability to find a good match. Instead of enhancing your relationship, sexwill dictate it, setting the agenda and biasing all of your decisions.Unmet sexual longing is a powerful motivator for men and women alike. Manyof our parents, and especially grandparents, had short courtships thanks tothis natural force. Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewerreasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage.Sex should flow from a godly relationship. It was designed to sweeten alife of commitment. When couples partake of it prematurely, it tends tosicken, much like eating dessert before you’ve had dinner. Many Christianswho’ve had premarital sex eventually marry, but this does little toalleviate their consciences and often results in disaster.
Reassess your options.A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying,“Oh, we’re just friends; we’ve never thought of dating; we’re notromantic.” Too often we overlook men in the “just friends” category becausewe’re not “attracted” to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.)Instead of asking who you’re attracted to, start asking, Of my friends, whowould be a godly husband, strong partner and good father? Looking at menthis way, you might be surprised who you’re attracted to!Parents used to choose their daughters’ husbands for them. You can be surethe last quality they considered was physical appearance. They knewexternals played a minor role — if any — in creating a healthy family.I’m not suggesting a return to those days — they had problems of their own— but we can borrow a principle from them: If a woman is paired with anupstanding man, love will have a chance to grow. We should look for men ofoutstanding integrity and pray for God to make the soil fertile for love togrow.
Check your expectations.The statistics has detailed a trend among single men who date forrecreation with one eye open for someone else. They have sex with theirgirlfriends but admit they’ll never marry these girls because they’re not“soul mates.”Most people want a mate who knows them at their deepest points and lovesthem fully. But the problem with the soul mate expectation is that you risksetting yourself up for failure. When asked to describe their soul mate,many singles imagine a person who “completes them” and vice versa. Theyassume their soul mate will love them exactly as they are and never askthem to change. But what happens when those two soul mates encounter theturbulence of marriage? These expectations cause them to doubt that they’vefound their “soul mate” after all.Human relationships will always be flawed because we’re fallen creatures.To expect otherwise is a setup for divorce.Despite fantasies of marriage as an endless date, a lifelong partnership isactually about thriving in the day-to-day stuff of life: raising kids,paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. A lasting marriage requirescommitment, no matter what. You have to go into it expecting highs andlows. A good marriage can make the lows a lot more bearable, though.
Ask the people you know for help.Until recently, marriage enjoyed culture-wide support. It was, for mostpeople, a primary purpose of life. Friends and relatives were willingpartners in helping singles meet the eligible bachelors in their lives.That’s why it was beneficial to know people of different ages. If we onlyspend time with peers in the same season of life, the competition foravailable men will likely be fierce. But if our friends span thegenerations, it’s probable they will know or be related to eligible men.And if these friends are believers in marriage — and they know you havemarriage as a goal — they can be helpful allies.Changing your way of relating to men may seem unnatural at first — and forsome, not worth the effort. But if your goal is marriage, it makes sense todo what’s in your power to achieve it. Don’t misunderstand: You can’t forceit. There’s no formula for making two people fall in love and commit theirlives to one another. Besides, for singles who’ve committed their life toChrist, the timing is ultimately up to Him. But you still have a part toplay. And if you’re doing things that lead you away from the altar, why notpurposefully change direction?
The weekend is almost here, do enjoy it!!
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